And whether you know...
Man and Woman
The man and the Woman, as if two poles of Earth, two parties of a compass, are often opposed each other. Quite often the Man and the Woman supplement one another, and their relationship as if is filled with internal light, heat and proximity. But quite often relationship between floors becomes the reason for the address to the psychologist and search of answers to many questions, inaccessible for human perception. Remember that in the field of relationship with an opposite sex, we quite often completely open, and therefore quite often we are so vulnerable. All problems in the relations are taken very painfully, and there is a feeling as though even skin becomes bare. Nevertheless, that not only to keep the relations with darling, but also to bring them to cardinally new level, it is necessary to analyze current situation, and the reason of misunderstanding to look for not only in behavior of the partner, but also in itself.
How to avoid loneliness?
Family happiness – as a lot of heat is put in this concept, but to many people, despite long searches, it is not possible to find the second half, only and the most favourite in the human life with which it would be possible to share both adversities, and happiness. Because of what it occurs and whether it is possible to avoid so unpleasant development of the situation? For a start realize for yourself, all surrounding events often are only external display of our thoughts therefore it is necessary to glance in himself and to study the internal reality.
If to you darling did not meet, think what prevented you to find him as often the reasons of loneliness are covered in an interior. It is possible to distinguish an ambiguity of the purposes from such factors disturbing personal happiness, existence of negative experience in the past, incompleteness of the previous relations, inconsistency is more whole.
How these negative factors influence a net result – search of the reliable partner with which you will have a full mutual understanding? The ambiguity is more whole when the person himself does not know that it is necessary for him – happy marriage or only the romantic relations, leads afterwards to the fact that any our desire, eventually, loses attractiveness. Only when we formulate for ourselves treasured desires at the level of the internal truth, we allow to come true to the desires, but we do not build the behavior model accepted in society. And the wish can be fulfilled even automatically when the interior differs in integrity, and he accurately sees before himself the planned purpose.
The previous negative experiences, quite painful rupture of the relations in the past are for a long time fixed in our subconsciousness and therefore quite often the person has an unconscious fear of creation of the new relations. And internally in this situation to the forefront there is not a desire of simple family happiness, but desire to avoid all what can bring further only pain and disappointment. Try to understand that the new relations will differ considerably from the previous experience that they will be absolutely others, allow yourself the right for luck and love and convince the subconsciousness on creation of successful relationship already with other person. And if you do not know yet how to avoid loneliness, then it is definitely not necessary to take steps which to it conduct.
What incompleteness of the previous relations consists in? First of all, the importance of the previous experience, especially when after parting with darling your thoughts are sent to the past, you touch in memory things, important for you, which you subconsciously connect with it. Forget about old love and former affection for already former partner, and do not try to compare more the new relations with other person with your last experience and the lost darling. Having given up a thought that you any more will never be able to meet such person as the one who was loved – and on your way will appear that only, the relations with which will be eclipsed afterwards by all previous experience and will force to forget the previous partner.
Let the past remain only in the past, and do not allow memoirs about past to influence your present. Despite warmth and love, mentally say goodbye to your lost love, release it, and be grateful to such person for the got experience, and let in your heart the place for the new and happy future will appear. If to allow memoirs to arise constantly at the relations with new partners often it leads that to sexual disturbances, a dissatisfaction and the underestimated self-assessment.
Inconsistency of the purposes is one of the loneliness reasons, and two factors – making of personal happiness and thirst for freedom which quite often conflict with each other are often interconnected here. So, the young people thinking of the long relations with the constant partner fear marriage because of risk to lose hypothetical freedom, from there are also changes in the matrimonial relations. Among a fine half inconsistency of the purposes is quite often characteristic of women, bringing up the child independently. As well as the unmarried girl, such lady wants to have a support in life, to be favourite and desired, marrying again. But she feels subconscious fear that its new marriage will do direct or indirect harm to the kid or somehow will affect its relationship with own child.
Whether there is exit from the situation? Of course and, but in such situation it is necessary to understand timely himself, to understand what your feelings can enter the conflict, and only after the exact analysis try to change the put situation to advantage to themselves. You build up the relationship with the new partner so that in your soul there was a place for love, dare to find to happiness, but at the same time keep for yourself the right for internal freedom.
And then just dream of the future, provide the satellite or the companion of life of the dream, think what contribution you want to make in new relationship and even if in your imagination there is no place left for loneliness any more. Believe that magic is possible, and our thoughts are capable to materialize. For this purpose just mentally place the turned-out picture in a usual soap bubble, it is better than solar golden color, and then provide as this ball soars up into the sky. Also be just ready that just about there will be an unusual meeting, and absolutely accidental, only open to the new relations.
Why the constant partner becomes another?
Many people after several years lived in marriage with surprise notice changes in the partner, finding out that darling became absolutely another. Qualities and behavior models to which we sometimes pay attention, as on a negative become noticeable. Remembering the wedding day, begins to seem that you connected the life with absolutely other person. But also it is not difficult to this fact to offer an explanation as your darling hardly so changed.
Just at the moment when your relations only arose and passed into a new stage of development, you idealized the partner, being under strong influence of own feelings to it. Therefore in the wedding day you noticed only his merits in darling, without attaching significance to all the rest. Not only without noticing a negative in character of the partner, you idealized your relationship, old to trust in the drawn beautiful picture. The partner, trying to be pleasant to you at the first stage of acquaintance and to cause response feelings, too aimed to prove to be only from the best party.
In several years, lived in an official or civil marriage, emotional heat practically always falls down, and the veil falls from eyes as if. At last the spouse appears in the real appearance, such as is, with negative qualities and rigid character, bad habits which every day become more noticeable. At the same time actually there is nothing does not change, just the day before yesterday you saw darling unshaven, yesterday – tired, and today – angry.
Be not disappointed, and just try to construct the new relations with the soulmate, having forgotten about the picture which is thought up by you. Remember that your darling – the real living person with the weaknesses and you after several years of joint life also stood on both the hind legs, and other qualities which to a wedding hid from public eyes as if secret behind seven seals. Of course, trying to normalize the relations with the partner, it is necessary to put a lot of effort, but do not shift responsibility for all events to the spouse, and the result of creation of new relationship will depend entirely only on you.
Remember that it is not enough one passion and carnal desire for creation of the long-term relations. And the happy family can be constructed only with observance of three principles – mutual respect, cooperation and forgiveness. In addition, try to accept loved by it what it is in reality, with its habits and weaknesses, and at the same time do not try to idealize yourself – and you are many qualities which will please not darling.
It is possible to recommend to begin with itself, analyze the character and habits, at the same time without forgetting about own interests, allow themselves to be real, without affected idealism. And then try to understand what contribution to relationship with the spouse is made by you and to experiment, giving the spouse at most of heat, love and understanding, and results will not keep themselves waiting long.
What to do in case of change of the spouse?
Unfortunately, changes in the matrimonial relations – not a rarity and to make the decision whether it is worth keeping marriage, for many women becomes a difficult question. Though one women make such decision quickly enough, choosing one of two options – or at once to leave the husband and to file for divorce, or to keep a family and further to try not to remember even the incident. Actually, it is difficult enough often very to understand what there is a wish actually – to leave or forgive.
Making attempt to keep a family, some wives cannot understand any more how further to behave with the spouse who became suddenly such stranger?
As a rule, after change there is always a negative deposit, offense and a thermalgia, coldness and mistrust to the one who betrayed you. But you remember that change deprives of you something the most important in life if you put own happiness into dependence on the partner. If you move focus from the spouse on yourself and connect satisfaction with life with some other feelings which are not connected with the spouse, then and you will endure his change less sharply.
The matrimonial relations are yet not all your life, but only its part therefore analyze all other components. As your life has to look, solve to you therefore leave in it some hobby as a hobby, remember the profession, find time for friends, afford rest. And then, when you provided the beautiful picture of own happy life, try to paint small steps which you will move towards to the image created by you.
Look at relationship with the spouse differently, and then try to enter your vision in already drawn picture of happy life. Estimate what aspects you can affect in reality though often you will manage to change only what is directly connected with you, but not with the spouse. Also change yourself and all around you that really in power to change you. Shortly you will begin to notice that not only you promptly change, but also your relationship in a family.
Making the decision to keep marriage in a difficult situation, surely find forces again to accept the partner and heartily to forgive him as the grievance nursed in itself will affect your marriage as the drop capable to undermine a stone.
How the fear of the new relations influences loneliness?
You remember the fine relations with the last partner, the subsequent rupture and caustic bitterness of parting, long pain from so bereavement? Do not try to convince yourself that you are a self-sufficient person that you are happy and alone, and your life is filled with bright events, otherwise thrust into the most distant corners of your subconsciousness the loneliness pressing soul will remind of itself from time to time.
Remember that the aspiration to be darling, and to give to the loved one of a part of the love, is necessary for both men, and women. Therefore at a rupture of last relations it is not necessary to eradicate in the heart this requirement as it even in subconsciousness, without accurate identification of a problem, will influence considerably all your further life. Of course, trying to muffle call of soul, the woman can change lifestyle and all the forces to aim at the development of own career, and the man can change partners as if gloves and to create only the noncommittal relations. But you it do not reach integral perception of life and happiness as no career will be able to replace love and aspiration to be to someone necessary.
For a start analyze as the mentality of the person can change if unsuccessfully developed relations took place. The human mentality can generalize many concepts that then quickly and correctly to process information therefore our subconsciousness perceives negative experiences as the firm rule. If you developed installation that close relations can lead to an acute pain, you will subconsciously aim to avoid them as you in the childhood, the passage on yourself a cup with hot tea, for a long time remembered the concept "boiled water". But the fear remains only in subconsciousness, and the real, quite realized thoughts will tell you absolutely another – about successful creation of career, about self-sufficiency and about own exclusiveness.
And to what such self-sufficiency, eventually, leads? Only to feeling that you are lonely and unhappy therefore it is recommended to think properly of the matter, to glance in the soul and to try to understand whether you want to establish actually a family and whether it is necessary to you actually. Produce own response to the question posed, having for a while forgotten about the social norms and own fears accepted in society. At the same time imagine not appearance of future partner and his status, for example, of the oligarch, and relationship with it in a section of with what you want to see them.
Think on what you want to build the relations with the new partner – acceptance and boundless love, heat and mutual respect? And then solve for yourself for what contribution in formation of the new happy relations you are ready if the picture drawn your imagination is bright and accurate, then you will set to own subconsciousness the correct coordinates.
You and without analysis of the thoughts accurately realize what you fear developments of the new relations owing to last negative experience? Try to remember that all new in any situation differs from old, and negative experience should not define your further future. Just revaluate unpleasant experience as information source, important for you, thanks to which you can develop in yourself new qualities and further not make earlier made mistakes, at the same time reserve the right to be mistaken.
Think of what steps, safe for yourself you can take to follow towards to the love and make them. If you do not decide to get the affair with the man who was pleasant to you yet, do not refuse to themselves to drink from pleasure with it a coffee cup, perhaps, it also is – your only.
What to do in case of quarrel with the partner?
Quarrels quite often poison the relations with favourite people, they can be compared to a tar spoon in a flank with honey. Therefore you should learn to send the course of already arisen quarrel to the party accepted for you. Though problems in the relations is quite normal phenomenon, do not allow them to develop into quarrel with the partner, show in return responsibility and prudence. Remember that all your quarrels with the spouse take place according to the stereotypic scenario, and the approximate sequence of actions practically always has constant character therefore analyze your last quarrels as if having taken a detached view of them.
At the same time quarrels are cyclic, each your word, a remark, actions will cause similar action or counteraction from the partner therefore to find guilty of quarrel it is impossible – as a rule, both are guilty. Therefore you somewhat can influence reaction of your partner and by that to reduce scandal in a bed necessary to you. Remember that cornerstones of any quarrel are transfer of responsibility to the partner, a peculiar interpretation of actions of the partner as desire to cause offense to you, and also desire that your partner apologized the first.
Do not allow that emotions overflowed you as if a wave, and manage yourself, choosing what whether emotional heat should be used in that other situation. Observe other people, and you quickly will understand that absolutely the specific situation will cause absolutely various emotions in each person, and everyone will have own net result. Quarrels usually develop in the spiral-shaped way, and the intensity of emotions increases with each new remark therefore try to notice how the quarrel spiral develops, and then to take a detached view of itself and the partner. Further once and for all solve for yourself as far as for you these relations are important – if they are important, then there is no need to row and if are unimportant – that why to spend time and nerves on scandals with the person who is indifferent for you?